Know your Body

A few questions answered by our SexMed Specialists and in understanding Sexual Consultation to help you resolve sex problems and get treatment.

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Asexual treatment
Is our society gradually becoming more asexual?

Asexual is a term used to denote a medical diagnosis, where there are no sexual thoughts and desires to indulge in intimacy and sex and this has to be a persistent pattern and should exclude any psychological disorders or gender identity disorders and other sexual dysfunction too. Hence primarily refers to the innate biological desire being absent.

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This is an extremely rare condition and diagnosing the same takes years and may not be possible; this concept itself is still debated by the research organization and sexual medicines organizations across the world.

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Are people having less sex these days?

Yes and No.

We see dating and mating strategies changing. The advent of 3D porn, VR Porn and abilities to morph images to 3D avatars, the fantasy world is expanding and hence people have the choice to choose which avatar they have to copulate with, self-stimulation and indulgence are becoming more common and sometimes preferred over having sex with the partners.

The other challenges which add on to the problems are the chaotic and never ending work, career challenges, travel times and people catering to different time zones and hence the practical problems they face and hence are forced to be weekend partners in sex while the rest of the week they are just co-habitants.

No – because there is other group of youngsters who are actively searching up and swiping left and right on the profiles and matching up to have intimacy ranging from a one night stand to being friends with benefits or “F” Buddies.  People are more willing to explore their sexuality and partners and pre-marital sex has almost become a norm as compared to yester years.  Hence we got to see this as a spectrum and not in a definitive way. Rather than stating that the society is gradually becoming asexual, the trends and dating/mating strategies are changing as we speak and I believe the bubble is yet to burst.

Is every woman secretly bisexual?

Could be true in someone’s fantasy! Bisexuality is a state of mind and hence though a lot of them may have or would be willing to explore sexuality and preferences, it would be wrong to generalize that all women are secretly bisexual. Of course, gender identity disorders are more commonly associated with certain personality disorders such as borderline personality disorders, which are more prevalent in women which can have these confusion and experimentation as part of the same, but that does not necessarily make women bisexual.

How do I build sexual confidence?

Sexual intimacy or activity involves the body and the mind, hence it is important to note that there are a lot of factors which can add to how we can build sexual confidence.

Physical appearances are important but, we need to ensure that we accept ourselves the way we are as some of the features that we have are genetic and cannot be changed and learn to be happy with it. While having said that, we need to give importance to grooming, wearing appropriate clothes which make us feel good [Remember, Dress maketh a man (& Woman!)]

Lifestyle plays an important role, as sex demands for us to be fit and cardiac activity is important. How can you want to have sex for 30 minutes when you cannot brisk walk for 15 minutes without getting tired? Hence work out, exercises, physical activity is an integral part of being sexually healthy and developing confidence. You also learn to challenge the body and also understand it well this way. Natural feel good hormones called endorphins are released and hence they make you feel good as well. Mind training and well-being can be achieved through Yoga, deep breathing and relaxation techniques and also maintaining a sense of calm while going about your daily routine.

Knowledge and Understanding – Get your facts straight about your body and the systems which help us in good sex. Learn about the way the body responds during sex, what is normal and what is not. How to use or activate them, how to enjoy sex and not be concerned and worried about performance is important. Some may take time to learn and may not get it right the first time, don’t worry, with patience you will learn hence being positive and open minded helps to develop confidence too.

Ensure to understand sex as an overall activity and a as biological as eating and sleeping, hence taboos and misinterpretations should not be encouraged in your mind as these develop doubts in yourself. Understanding sex from over all perspective and leaning to enjoy can help you develop a greater view of the same and hence can make you more confident about yourself and also in the act

What do you think about golden showers?

Golden showers have been seen as normal in some people and is some diagnostic and statistical manuals, have been classified as “abnormal”. This is an activity involving urine and sexual pleasure. It may mean, using urine in any form as part of sexual arousal or act, which can include smelling clothes soaked in urine, getting peed on or peeing on the partner for sexual arousal, drinking it etc. As long as this is done with mutual consent of all the parties involved and does not affect the social and cultural aspects of the place and location where this happens and is confined to the four walls, this is safe to practice and cannot be labelled as abnormal and many find it fun to be a part of this and also find it liberating and opens up the boundaries between the partners and can feel more connected.

But when this activity surpassed the usual sexual activity and becomes the main goal and deters the other partners sexual pleasure or coitus which leads to mental or physical distress, this needs to be recognised and perhaps behaviour modification may be needed.

Do people like golden showers?

A lot of them enjoy golden showers, as they feel they can connect with partners at a deeper level, also feel that they can express themselves more openly when they are doing this. In some cases, they can part of the role-play or a bigger scene where “sadomasochistic” tendencies are seen. So hence they may have “mind game” thing about dominance and submissiveness which is known to arouse sexual responses in some people and they may particularly enjoy the consequence of how this plays in the mind, rather than the urine itself.

Hence it is important to understand that people who enjoy the golden showers have a deep seated inclination to enjoy the same due to the excitement it provided in the brain.  And it does not always have to be associated with “perversions” or deviations, and it can also be considered normal as these arte basic essential body fluids and some can get habituated to using them during sexual play.

Are men attracted to women’s butts?

Men are attracted to women’s butt as they can be attracted to any body parts of for that matter of fact some to the eyes and lips etc. To each his own is the way to understand this. Some may however develop a particular interest exclusively to the butts (to answer your question) or it can be any other particular body part too. Some to the breasts and some the genitals etc. It all depends on how they train their brains to get aroused and what is being used repeatedly during sexual play and how the mind gets used to the patterns.

How do I solve an asexual marriage?

Asexual / Non-consummated marriage is due to various reasons, ranging from relationship issues, psychological issues, physical or medical issues, hence a detailed assessment regarding the individuals involved and their personalities is a good starting point. Their individual experiences earlier on with relationships and sex can give a clue of they have any maladaptive behaviours which are deeply ingrained and preventing them to perform better.

Physical causes such as hormonal problems, blood flow issues, or any other medical issues such as hypertension, diabetes, hypothyroidism and chronic pains and aches can also interfere with how one can use their body in sexual activity. So helping them to manage these physical conditions better can be a gateway to better responses from the body during intimacy.

Sedentary lifestyle, obesity and chronic lifestyle issues such as amotivation and lethargic attitudes also contribute as they prevent the person from bringing a change in themselves and to become more active in their lives and can take a laid back approach to all aspects of life and in sex too. Lifestyle changes and modifications can help.

Psychological issues such as depression, anxiety can interfere with how the brain responds during sexual activity and this can further worsen the way the brain sends the signals to the body and thus the body responses can be varied.

Couple dynamics are also important to note, how they relate to each other, their views and perceived notions about the world in general, about the relationship and also themselves, play a pivot role in the relationship building.

A complete detailed assessments and working through all these areas are needed and if worked upon can lead to a rewarding experiences and can help people overcome the issues with their asexual life.

It’s good to remember – Relationship issues can lead to sexual issues and vice versa.

Are you in favor of same-sex marriage?

As long as the people involved are happy with the same, I do not think it’s a problem. It can a personal choice and I think we are moving towards a broader spectrum based approach in considering how sexuality needs to be seen. What was considered “abnormal” has not been naturalized. It is important to have an open mind when we are looking at sex and the sexual aspects of any relationship. As rigid thinking can hamper the performance and devalue the experience.

Of course, the people involved are aware of the biological challenges of them going through the changes and adjusting to the new way of life, the kind of challenges sometimes can put them at risk for lot of anxiety, adjustment problems and also depression. As mentioned, some of these may be dynamic and thus the preferences are known to change in some people – hence they need to be ready to accept the same and also have enough coping skills to deal with the problems as and when they arise.

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